Certains attendent avant d’avoir des relations sexuelles… mais pourquoi donc!?
Translated by Pierre-Louis Lefebre
The saying goes “It is good to enjoy the madness of others” . This is precisely the purpose of this article. I want to share with you some things I’ve learned – and learned the hard way – about girls and relationships. More specifically, I threw the paper ten reasons why I am now waiting to be married to have sex.
1. I now know that sex is overrated
When I was in college, I remember having had experiences that I then called the “hangovers of love.” Next morning the nights that I spent with a girl, I always felt a sense of emptiness. This is something you will not see on TV or in the movies, but this is a common occurrence. There was this empty – even regret – after passing the act.
The “hangover of love” was something very strange for me. I did not understand because when I was in college, sex was my “god” . As a man, that’s what I was thinking the morning, afternoon and evening. So it would be logical to believe that having sex would have been completely satisfactory – the climax and the main achievement in the worship of my “god.” Yet there was always this lack of contentment afterwards.
Have you had a similar experience to that? Have you ever had a “hangover of love”? If this is the case, you should stop and ask yourself, “Why is this so? ” Why is it that sex, if it’s so important to me, leaves me after with this empty feeling?
I remember being disturbed by that feeling of emptiness. I have then concluded that “What I need is even more sex, that’s all. “(We often have this reaction to the things which we hope will satisfy us but do not. For example, we buy the car we’ve always dreamed of, but own and drive it becomes” normal “after some time. Instead of realizing that a car can not really satisfy us fully, we usually make the argument that “This car was not to be the one that really suited me. Me obtain another will surely give me lasting satisfaction. “)
But the emptiness was still there. At that time, I finally came to the conclusion that sex outside marriage was not as good as everyone says. It’s overrated. It is not as shown in the movies. If it were, it would be completely satisfying and fulfilling. There would not be this feeling of “emptiness”.
2. I now want to honor women benefit.
I discovered that girls are not always aware of what happens when it comes to sex. What I mean is that their vision of the thing is very different from that of a guy. Often a girl will justify sex by saying, “But I love it! “Although she does not really want to. Why does this happen? They say: “Girls use sex to get love; guys use love to get sex. »
Here’s how it works: imagine the girl to marry the guy one day; imagine the guy all he wants to do with the girl before returning to see his friends and tell them everything. And then something inside the girl told him it was the right thing to do, something inside the guy told him exactly the opposite, but he does it anyway. Why? For physical pleasure, no doubt, but also, I think, for another reason: it makes him feel like a real man. But there is something paradoxical in all this; for what he has of rewarding for a man in the act of deceiving a woman?
One thing I discovered is that by honoring a woman, we honor ourselves. Why? Because one day you will regret, and the regret will last much longer than the pleasure. In the movie Rob Roy, the main character says, “Honor is a gift that man has. “ (free translation) When you honor a woman doing the thing that you know is good (ie, what is in his best interest to it), you yourself you honor and you are sure you will and will not keep regrets.
3. This is the wife of another.
Here’s what I mean: more of the girls I’ve had sex now with other men. When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I would never have done what I did. In fact, I would perhaps give me a punch in the face for doing so.
So it goes without saying that when I get married, I will not like the idea that another man had made love to my wife. What do you think? Do you like the idea that someone else go with your wife? If you currently have a girlfriend and you have strong reactions imagining such a scenario, imagine how these reactions, one day or another, will be strong with your own wife.
You can even push this argument further. This girl is someone’s daughter. And if she was my daughter? Or if it was my sister? I would like the first comer advantage of it? Now I see girls in a whole new light. They are the future wife of another, the daughter, the sister of someone, etc.
4. sex killed my best relationships
For example, I had a girlfriend in college, the girl of my dreams. With it, you never get bored. We “cliquions” completely. We waited for a while, and then, through my initiative, we started having sex.
Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to discover in other days. So, instead of bringing us, we started to move away gradually.
This is what I mean when I say “sex killed my best relationships” . People can join at several levels – emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. But when my girlfriend and I started to seriously focus on the physical aspect of our relationship, it has bypassed all the rest. Result: our relationship began to deteriorate. We might still be together if we (I) had had the patience to wait.
I saw the same thing happen in countless relationships, not just mine, but in those of the people around me. I think there is a reason for this, and that is what I will explain.
5. Sex before marriage is devastating other parts of the relationship
In my case, I can say that two things happened after having sex with a girl. Looking back, I can even say that they occurred every time, even though at the time I was not aware of this process.
The two things are: 1) I was losing the respect I had for the girl (even though I did not want) and 2) she began to make me less confident (even if she did not want it).
I do not know why this happened, but I know it was happening. Maybe it’s something that we have included in our “system”. But one thing is certain is that I was not alone in my situation. I’ve seen it happen again and again. I know several people who have problems in their marriage because they have had sex before marriage. These people entered the marriage with such disrespect and lack of confidence while, paradoxically, both are absolute necessities for the health of a marriage.
I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of it . He did not comply, she knows, and she did not trust him, so she does not give him. This is very sad and a lot more common than you might think. But nobody talks about this stuff before others. And representations of couples with pre-marital sex on television or in the movies does not speak. It is as if no one wanted to admit that it happens, even if this is the case.
6. Wait for my wife to have sex means sex life better in my marriage.
Why? Because we will enter the wedding so I have more respect for her and she will have more confidence in myself. If there is one thing I’ve learned is that if a girl does not trust a guy, she did not completely give him. At the bottom of herself, she does not really love being with him.
Here’s how it works. Since “girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex,” a couple will have sex before marriage . The girl does to hang on to the relationship. The guy does it because he wants sex even more than it does the relationship itself. Then, after marriage, the woman has what she wants: a commitment on the part of man. So she does not need to use sex to get it.
In addition, it may keep it in resentment because he had sex with her before their marriage, which can make it no longer interested in sex. For its part, the guy – who does not cherish his wife at full value because of consensual sex before marriage – still wants sex but not as a total union with his wife. It is only for sex, and she realizes. This results in a poor sex life within marriage.
I did not invent this. Now that I have finished college and many people around me are getting married, I see it happen all the time. The antidote: waiting for marriage to have sex gives the more respect for human his wife and the wife more respect for her husband. Therefore, they will have a more pleasant and more frequent sex because they respect and love more deeply.
7. Do not have sexual relations with other women will mean better sex in marriage.
The sexual relationship is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between two people, even if we call these relationships “occasional” or “temporary”. The problem is this. The more I bind myself with other women, the less I’ll be able to tie me completely with my wife. It’s like a piece of tape – the more you use on different surfaces, the less it sticks to things. After a while, it does not stick to anything.
If I bind myself to other girls before I got married, I can not tie me as well with my wife someday. I do not cherish as much as I could have, and therefore, I will love not as much as I could have. Every day that passes where I remained faithful to my future wife means that my relationship with her will be better.
One thing is strange culture condemns adultery while fully endorsing sexual relations before marriage, even with multiple partners. This is ironic because if we remove the element of “time” of the equation , sex outside of marriage becomes adultery. As we can easily imagine how infidelity can seriously affect a marriage, sexual relations outside marriage probably have almost the same effect. They spoil the potential link between a man and a woman.
8. I do not have to sleep with a woman to know if we’re “sexually compatible.”
Sex is supposed to be a supplement to the man-woman relationship, not the most important aspect of it. This is what I discovered. It must be like the icing on the cake when all the other aspects of the relationship going well.
I came to understand that sex will be good only if the rest of the relationship is good. That’s why I know I do not have to sleep with my future wife to find out if we are sexually compatible. If we get along well in other areas of the relationship, sexuality will be fine too.
I have to add something. Another of my “discovery”: place sexuality as a determinant of a relationship often leads to unsatisfactory sex life. Think about it a moment. If you constantly go your sex life under the microscope, by judging and evaluating the quality of your relationship through this indicator, the relationship is doomed to fail. That equates to being imprisoned. And you are trapped in something that should be liberating rather than constraining.
In contrast, when you focus on other aspects of the relationship and that sexuality is no longer at the center, you become free to have a more enjoyable sex life. You no longer have the pressure to make it always spectacular (because it will not be). However, I believe that as a young adult and student, I could not not focus on sex, unless there never be confronted. That is why I think that, on balance, it is better to wait.
9. I discovered something far more satisfying than sex.
I know what you’re thinking: “Yes, of course!” But it is the truth! For in fact, sex somehow helped me to find out something beyond it. And that something is actually not really a something, it’s a someone. That someone is God.
Well, be sure to follow my reasoning here. I know it may seem farfetched, but all that much sense. God created us in such a way that we can not be fully satisfied by Him. He built it in the human system, and in each of our individual systems. Someone said, “There, in the heart of every human being, a God-shaped hole that only He can fill.”
This is why we see so many people change careers, partners, fashion and more – because in our search for full development, things (and people) that do not give us that sense of development frustrate us. So we reject and go to something (or someone) else while hoping to find the kind of development that ultimately we all seek. The problem is that we can never find fulfillment within to come to God to seek, for He alone to provide it to us.
God loves us too much to allow us to be really happy with anything other than Him. He does what he wants better there for us, and what there is of better is Him. Nothing and no one is more important than God. I know this is true because I discovered it for myself.
The feeling of emptiness that I felt – after buying this and that, after my sexual escapades after my efforts to be flourished in this life – that empty feeling disappeared when I asked God to come into my life. More specifically, when I asked Jesus Christ into my life. Jesus Christ said: “Whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst” (John 6:35).
These words came true in my own life. When I walked in relationship with God, that hole in the heart that had the form of God was finally completed. Finally, I no longer felt that void. Thus the knowledge of God gave me greater satisfaction than that sex has never given me.
10. God gave me the strength to wait
For years I have not had sex. I wish I could say that I am completely kept myself for marriage, but I can not. I have regrets (and as I said earlier, these regrets lasted much longer than any momentary pleasure). I have regrets because of the way I treated the girls. I have concerns about the stability of my future marriage (if and when I get married). But God helped me to live with my past acts and with my concerns for the future. It’s changing me, and it has already begun.
God also gave me the ability to wait for marriage before having other sex. Of course, the inner struggle was sometimes difficult, but God was powerful enough to make me pass through. With him, everything is possible. And every day, every week, every year that passes, gives me confidence that I will have a better and stronger marriage because I have been able to wait. Also, I have a better relationship with God since I trust Him to control this vital aspect of my life as a man.
Where to start?
To be successful in your future relationships – whether as a husband or father – the best place to start is to work on yourself. The trick is not to find the “right” woman or to have “good” kids. The key is to start with you même.Et the best relationship you can have – one that will make you a better husband and a better father – is the relationship with God.
God is the author of sex, love and relationships in general. He created these things for us to enjoy. And we can not enjoy it that if we follow his plan about them.
I have come to discover that God is not a “preachy”. It does not say “do this” or “do not do this” for no reason. When he says “do not do that” (for example: waiting for marriage to have sex), it does not tell me to show me that He is the boss, he told me because it’s in my best interest. He told me because he knows how it made me as a man, as he knows what is good for me and what will bring me the most fulfillment.
Knowing God personally
The Bible says that Jesus Christ was God made man – “the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us.” It was “the brightness of his glory and the express image of his person (the person of God).” In short, Jesus Christ revealed to us exactly who God is. So how do we begin a relationship with Him?
God truly loves us and wants us to know … but there is a problem. For what prevents us from connecting with God is our sin (our failure to love God and others perfectly).
Jesus Christ (God made flesh) took all our sins on his shoulders while he willingly sacrificed on the cross. He did it so that we can be completely forgiven, completely acceptable to him. He made the great sacrifice of being beaten, humiliated, whipped and crucified for us. Then after three days he rose from the dead. He now asks us to respond to his sacrifice by inviting him into our lives.
Jesus Christ was the most “masculine” man who ever lived. We do not often speaks of him in those terms, but it’s true. So when we ask Him to enter our lives, we ask the person who knows more about “how to be a man” than any other man. It will help you become a real man – not according to the Hollywood model – but someone much more fulfilled in life and more useful to the lives of others.
What looks like a real man? It does not look like a wolf (someone who cares only about himself). In fact, it looks more like a shepherd – someone who looks after the well-being of others. Growing in your relationship with Jesus Christ, you will discover more and more what being a real man means. And Christ will change the way you think your relationships with women and, therefore, the way you treat them.
You can begin a relationship with Christ that last forever. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3 : 16). To believe means to trust. When you have confidence and you press the sacrifice that Christ has done for you, you can have eternal life – a relationship with Christ that you start now and that you will maintain throughout your life. If that is the desire of your heart, here are some ideas of what you might want to say to God in all sincerity:
Dear God, I confess that I have sinned against You. Thank you for bringing all my sins on the cross. I want to receive Your forgiveness. I want to get in touch with you. I ask you to come into my life as Savior and Lord. Please, make me the man you want me to be. Amen.
May we also suggest: Sex without love he loses its luster?
This article was originally published in Every Student’s Choice. Used with permission.